I decided to make several changes in my life. I came up with a list and I shared them with Brian, the boyfriend, or kinda boyfriend at the time, and my mother. I actually still have the list on my Facebook messenger and recently read it all. I decided I was going to lose weight and become a healthier person, I was going to move into a large home, and I was going to adopt a dog for myself and my children.
Not to brag or anything, but I accomplished all of that last year. I lost close to 40 pounds, I moved in August to a 3 bedroom home, and in October I adopted Juliette...a Catahoula Leopard mix. I had everything I wanted...I was flying high!!!
Fast forward to today. The change in eating is still great, the house is still great, but the dog, well, not so great. Juliette is not what I envisioned for my family. I could go on and on about how she needs something else, a playmate (another dog), or kids who want to take the initiative to really help out, or how she really needs an owner to give her the time and attention that I just don't have, but I won't. This decision was grueling. Sure, she's not a fit for our family, but I love that dog...she's so dang cute and when she's not crazy she's insanely loveable (I have a black eyebrow bone right now...so when I say crazy, I mean crazy...think 80lbs of fur jumping towards your face for a toy that you're trying to help her with...yeah, it hurt, I cried, I was done after that). I want to say that I'm a failure, but I won't. After talking to the children, and Brian, I made the decision to contact the rescue we got her from. They were able to find her a nice foster home, so she's leaving us tonight. To say I'm sad would be a complete lie, I am indifferent. I wish this was black and white, but it's not....it's very, very gray. I'm torn in between these feelings and I don't know how to act or feel. I know I'll be insanely sad tonight, I'm not looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to a new normalcy that I haven't had in 9 months.
I know you're wondering why I'm telling you all this, but for the past few weeks I've been talking about the stress I've been under and, well, this is the reason. I also wanted to tell you that through this process and the decision making, I haven't turned to food. I've turned to friends, I've turned to family, I've turned to my boyfriend...I found support elsewhere. I know so many of you who use food as your comfort when things are going bad, but please know you don't have to. If you need to talk, I'm here - email me, message me, find me on Facebook...something. Your progress doesn't have to waver because of one bad day or three bad weeks...at all. (I'll let you slide on vacation, though...LOLOL...as long as you return home and get back on track right away. Ha!)
So, to kinda get back on track, I do have my food log for you!! I really hope you all are enjoying the log...I know it's repetitive a lot, but once you get to know what your body likes and what you like, you'll probably stick to your staples, as well. Plus, being stressed out for a few weeks hasn't helped my creative food bone...maybe next week I'll make, and post, different recipes for y'all!!
Here you go:
*8am - 3 hard boiled eggs and one banana
*10am - 9 whole strawberries
*12pm - grilled pork chop and 1 cup of green beans
*2pm - 2 cups watermelon
*6pm (or whenever tonight) - I'm going out, the destination has yet to be determined, but I'll post an update, with a picture, after I eat!! :)
I hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday and if you're going through anything sad or stressful, just know, you can get through it, I promise!!!
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