There are these days, these niches in time where you just need comfort. You want your mommy and your blankie and you want to curl up and hide away from the world.
Yesterday ended up being that horrible day, for me. It was so bad that I ended up eating the world's largest carb filled dinner. Well, at least "large" in my book. Let me tell you this, though, it wasn't planned, it just happened. The bright side? I didn't over eat, though, thank goodness...there wasn't that immediate regret, or that "stuffed to the gill" feeling.
So, here's the thing, there are days when you need something more, you need a hug so big that it just envelops you. You need someone on your side, your cheerleader, to let you know that you're ok and what you're feeling is completely valid. These days, for me, come few far and in between, but last night I hit a wall. I hit this emotional wall and all of my strength was gone. I needed, no, I wanted something greater...I needed to be bad. When cooking dinner I had a plan, I was going to do frozen veggies and chicken, no biggie. However, I ran out of pots after making everything else (for the kids and boyfriend), so, I said "freak it." Freak those frozen veggies...I ended up having one taste of those homemade creamy and buttery mashed potatoes and my world came tumbling down into a fantastic carb induced dinner...and it was delicious. Not my usual drug of choice, but it's just what my mind and body needed. I browned chicken and then baked it, I took the leftover juices from the chicken and I made white gravy (sawmill gravy if you're from the South), homemade mashed potatoes...with cream AND butter, and a box of stove-top stuffing (for the boyfriend)....oh, wait, sweet corn, as well. I ate it and I savored it and I thought to myself, "self, this weekend you'll do amazing wonderful 'clean' things, but today, tonight, during this very meal, you're going to eat the crap out of some good home cookin' and you'll be fine!"
This is why I'm writing this: I woke up this morning and I looked the same in the mirror, I wasn't 40lbs heavier, my dress zipped up. That one night of carb filled goodness did not do me in. I'm still me, I'm still Kristi, and I'm still eating healthy! I woke up this morning, made my eggs, ate my banana and had a very healthy lunch, and will soon eat my strawberries. This is because I'm disciplined, this is because I know that I'm not perfect. We all mess up at some point and although I wouldn't call this a "doozie" screw up, I'd essentially admit that I really let the day get to me, but in all honesty, I needed to do something out of the ordinary for once. Screwing up is ok, I promise. One meal with homemade mashed potatoes won't ruin the past 20 months of my life...uh-uh, no way...I'm stronger than that.
I think the only regret I have is not taking a picture of the meal and sharing it...ha!
Anyway, I hope everyone is having a fantastic week and you're all hanging in there. Remember, you are strong enough, you have the discipline, you ARE worthy of the life you lead.
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